Harry Potter and the Bad Guy
by blurgedy
Summary: What happens when an evil Villain worse than Voldemort appears and gains a power stronger than magic? Read and find out. Rated M for adult situations
1. Chapter 1

Welcome and be amazed at the greatest and most awesome harry potter fic of all time. Bow before it you mortal fools, for you will never again see such awesome greatness. If you don't like then that can only mean that your brain cannot comprehend its incredible awesomeness, for the greatness of this fic is often lost on mortal minds. You horsepetootheads you.

Disclaimer: Harry potter does not belong to Me; if it did it would be much more awesome and would definitely not be a childrens' book. There will be other things also in this fic that ain't mine bitch!

Harry Potter and the Chickenhorse

Prologue: The Thing Before the Actual Story!

Moose and cow lived in the forest of monkeyfeet and ate cheetos for a living, one day they happened upon a small girl who spontaneously turned into a chicken and drank some cake. Then with all the power of potatoes they screamed in pain, turning a monkey into a chick moose. Moose fucked the chick moose and made moose babies, but then Britney spears came and ate moose's balls and chick moose's ovaries, so moose and chick moose couldn't fuck anymore and the moose population was successfully controlled, but then they ate a magic pie which caused them to grow back so it really wasn't, then harry potter came and zapped the moose into a chickmoose and cow fucked the chickmoose which made a Chickenhorse baby, and cheetos rained from heaven for this Chickenhorse was long ago prophecied to become the most powerful being on earth, and that it would be an evil Chickenhorse that ate voldemort and all other bad guys and became more evil than any being ever, but for now it was just a cute little Chickenfoal. So cheetos was the obvious sign because cheetos were clearly invented by an evil demon who wants everyone to die and get diabetes in that order, but since that order is impossible, it settled for the opposite order. Of course diabetes is a really lame way to die, it usually causes kidney failure and stuff. Which aside from being really drawn out and fucked up, is also boring. I mean why couldn't cheetos cause head explody disorder or something. Anyways, The Chickenfoal went away for a while and came upon a big fat cave that was big and fat and made of fat and bigness, so the Chickenfoal went into the big fat cave that was big and fat and made of fat and bigness, and went past an angry dragon, who said

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING GOING PAST ME?! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M AN ANNNGREH DRAGON THAT WANTS TO KILL YOU AND EAT YOU AND THEN RAPE YOUR CORPSE!" screamed the dragon

"Wait, if you eat me then how can you rape my corpse?"

At this logical quandary the dragon randomly exploded for no reason. Then a monkey came and thanked the Chickenfoal for slaying the angry dragon.

"Well, you're welcome," Said the Chickenfoal, "but please don't come in front of me, I don't like looking at monkey come."

"Well, how dare you! AND WHY ARE YOU LOOKING ME IN THE EYE?! FURRY!" screamed the furious monkey, throwing a hardened clod of poopy at the Chickenfoal, however the Chickenfoal anticipated the furious attack, and headbutted the poopy back at the monkey, who then randomly exploded for no apparent reason.

At the bottom of the big fat cave that was big and fat and made of fat and bigness, the Chickenfoal found a stinky crystal hat. It smelled like fish and rotten butter with cheesy masked potatoes, but it was as pretty as diamonds and rubies and emeralds and all other pretty gemstones combined, and it shone in a color that no one had ever before seen and thus cannot be described to those who have not seen it, and were you to see it, your life would become much more fulfilled, as the awesomely indescribable color would fill your mind with amazement. Alas you will never see it, but it's really really awesome. Seriously, like if a chick wore a dress that was this color it would bring out her eyes, while accentuating her boobs and ass and it would totally not make her look fat. But it would make her butt look big because chicks with big butts are awesome and chicks are really weird for apparently wanting to have tiny flat asses. Like why do they want to look like a 14 year old boy? Seriously what's the-

"GET ON WITH THE DAMN STORY!," screamed everyone in a frothing furious fury that would leave you pissing your undergarments in fear.

"WHO THE HELL IS TELLING THE MOTHERFUCKING STORY ANYWAY, BITCHES! FUCK ALL OF YOU ALL, IF I WANT TO SPEND TIME DESCRIBING THIS HERETOFORE NON EXISTENT COLOR I WILL! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT TOUGH SHIT! I AM THE AUTHOR AND YOU ARE JUST FIGMENTS OF MY IMAGINATION AND PIECES OF MY MIND I AM USING TO CREATE THIS STORY! I DON'T MIND IF YOU COMMENT, BUT DO NOT MOTHERFUCKING TELL ME TO GET ON WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING STORY! IT'S MY STORY AND IT WILL BLOODY FUCKING WELL PROGRESS THE MOTHERFUCKING WAY I WANT IT TO!" screamed the author, and just to show he meant business he made a big earthquake that caused everyone to shit a shiny fiddle made of gold. Then he took all the gold and bought a nice country for him and his girlfriend to rule over. And they lived happily ever after. But that's another story.

So anyway, where was I? I know it had something to do with that color, and chicks being stupid fucking retards for wanting flat asses… oh yeah, seriously what is up with that? Chicks are much prettier when they look like chicks and not 14 year old boys. That should seriously be pretty damn obvious, I mean really, ladies. But yeah, a chick wearing that color would be much hotter. It would universally look good on any chick. Too bad it only exist in my noggin, because if I made a dildo of this color it would feel really good in my cooch. And so the Chickenfoal put a clothespin over its nose, and put the hat on, and so the hat granted the Chickenfoal TEH EVUL POWAH! And with TEH EVUL POWAH! The Chickenfoal flew back to the top of the big fat cave that was big and fat and made of fat and bigness. And so the big fat cave that was big and fat and made of fat and bigness randomly exploded for no apparent reason.

And when the Chickenfoal returned to its parents the Chickenfoal saw that moose and cow were hanging from trees all cut up, so angrily, the Chickenfoal used TEH EVUL POWAH! To eat the hanging corpses of its parents, and flew off to find the one who had killed them. It did not have to go far. It found that Harry had randomly turned into a girl with boobies and everythong for no apparent reason, and Ron had randomly become a death eater so he could rape harry even though that doesn't make any sense for Ron's character and I just really hate ron because he gives me sand in my vajayjay even though I don't have one of those. And Voldemort was there too and stuff…

So the Chickenfoal walked up to chickharry and screamed "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY PARENTS HARRY WHO IS NOW RANDOMLY A SEXY GIRL?!1111"

"Well, we were fighting, but we got hungry, and animals are lower on the food chain than humans, so we ate them," Replied chickharry.

"YOU CAN'T JUST GO AROUND EATING PEOPLE'S PARENTS!" screamed the Chickenfoal then burped up his father's leg, "JUST FOR THAT I'M GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"

And so the Chickenfoal summoned all of TEH EVUL POWAH! That he could and ate Voldemort, then it farted and a bunch of smoke came out of its ass and swirled into a tornado surrounding it, and magically transformed the Chickenfoal. The Chickenfoal was now… dun dun dunnn! A Chickenhorsesnakeydude, but that takes forever to write so we're still just gonna call it a Chickenhorse. Then all of the horcruxes exploded for no apparent reason. Even the ones that were already destroyed. And so dumbledore's office blew up because tom riddle's diary was in it, but fortunately Dumbledore wasn't there. And then Dumbledore apparated in and screamed, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU FOOLISH FOOLISH FOOLISH FOOLISH FOOL, YOU HAVE CAUSED YOURSELF TO BECOME EVIL!"

"Nuh-uh," said the Chickenhorse, "Harry did that, he ate my parents!"

"HUMANS ARE SUPPOSED TO EAT ANIMALS YOU FOOLISH FOOLISH FOOL! FOR WE ARE HIGHER ON THE FOOD CHAIN!" Screamed Dumbledore.

"Yeah, and I'm going to change that when I take over the Solar System," Said the Chickenhorse, and flew off using TEH EVUL POWAH!.

"Oh noes," said Dumbledore, "he used TEH EVUL POWAH! So that stinky crystal hat he was wearing must have been TEH EVUL CRYSTAL HAT!"

Then Hermione came, "What is THE EVUL POWAH!?" asked Hermione, and then she left.

"Not "THE EVUL POWAH!", TEH EVUL POWAH!" replied Dumbledore.

Then Hermione came back, "TEH EVUL POWAH!?" then she left again.

"No, TEH EVUL POWAH!" said Dumbledore.

"Then Hermione came back-"

"Who said that?" interrupted Harry, confused.

"Oh sorry, it's just me, the author. That was a typo, my bad," the author replied, nervously jacking off.

"Oh okay," said harry.

"Anyway, as I was saying:"

Then Hermione came back, "Oh," then she left again.

"Yes, TEH EVUL POWAH! Was sealed in a hat in a big fat cave that is big and fat and made of fat and bigness a very very very extremely extremely very extremely very very very extremely unspeakably incomprehensibly inconceivably unfathomably ridiculously absurdly insanely asininely stupidly ineffably long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long longlong long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long longlong long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long longlong long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long time ago to prevent its misuse, when used it takes over the body of the user and uses their body to take over the world, which it then uses to randomly destroy china for no apparent reason."

Then Hermione came back, "That's horrible, I think I read a spell to stop it in a book the other day, it was "abraca resealTEHEVULPOWAH!"

"YES BUT- DANG IT AUTHOR TURN THE CAPS LOCK OFF I DON'T WANT TO YELL RIGHT NOW DAMMIT I WANT TO TALK NORmal, anyway, as I was saying, yes, but before using it we have to try and stop him from eating all the most evil people in existence, otherwise the spell won't work for some reason."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Hermione.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed everyone in unison.

"Why are we all screaming no?" asked Chickharry, who was masturbating.

"Also this is definitely better as a guy… oh wait it's not stopping yet… okay it's kind of a toss up now."

"We weren't screaming no. We were screaming NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Replied Hermione

"Same difference," Harry pointed out.

"Oh, I guess because this is really scary. Also we're all hungry because we didn't eat breakfast."

"Lunch?" harry asked.

"I'll drive," said Dimbledorf, then he read the misspelling of his name and screamed "HEY MY NAME IS DUMBLEDORE! ALBUS PERCIVAL WULFRIC BRIAN DUMBLEDORE, NOT ALBUNCH PRESIVAL WUFFERC BRAN DIMBLEDORF! NOT ALBERT PREBASOL WOOFY BRAIN DOLLARDIFF! AND CERTAINLY NOT BOB! GET MY MOTHERGODAMNEDFUCKING GODMOTHERFUCKINGDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMNED GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING NAME RIGHT OR I WILL MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMNED KILL ME AND YOU BOTH BY RANDOMLY EXPLODING FOR NO APPARENT REASON MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN IT YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER!"

"Sorry…" said the author sheepishly, blushing on her lower cheeks.

Then Hermione and chickharry randomly started making out for no reason, so everyone who was a heterosexual male starting staring and masturbating, but there weren't any heterosexual males there except ron who was dead so they didn't.

The end.

Or is it?!

Obviously not since it's only the prologue.

Or if it is it will be because it never gets updated.

And dies.

And randomly explodes for a good reason.

P.S. "I will start with Hitler and that French bastard." screamed the chickenhorse.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry Potter and the Chickenhorse!

Chapter 1: The First Chapter!

Disclaimer: Harry Pooter ain't mine and neither is star wars, bitch.

And so it was that the Chickenhorse used TEH EVUL POWAH! To travel back in time to the 1940s. He was in England so he had to go find Berlin. So he had to fly using TEH EVUL POWAH! And since flying in front of muggles violated the statue of secrecy-

"STATUTE YOU MORON!" screamed the Chickenhorse

"Sorry," replied the author.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure it's statutory," Interjected dead Ron.

"You keep out of this, you're dead," the author angried

"Oh, right." Responded the only boy who was stupid enough to forget he was dead. Well Ron's not really stupid because he kicks ass at chess, but he doesn't ever think so the end result is the same. Plus it's stupider to be smart and never use your brain at all than it is to actually be stupid. Besides I hate ron, and this is my story so I can make him horrendously out of character if I want to. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaha.

and then Ron's bitchy mom showed up, "Oh noes, my son is dead, oh wait it's the whiny, stupid bitchy one. never mind it serves him right!"

"Mom, what the hell?!" Ron exclaimed.

"Don't talk to your mother that way! If you weren't dead I'd beat you with the big paddle," She replied, holding up an iron paddle the size of that one nightmare uses in soul calibur 2 as a bonus weapon and I think it's in four and five two.

So anyway, a bunch of Magic policemen started flying on broomsticks at the Chickenhorse, who used TEH EVUL POWAH! To blow up their broomsticks and then ate their souls using TEH EVUL POWAH! and when he realized that he could eat souls he wondered why he should limit his takeover to the solar system when he could easily conquer the galaxy! And when the Chickenhorse got to berlin he saw the big berlin capital building thingy and started eating the walls using HIS TEETH! (A.N. haha thought I was gonna say TEH EVUL POWAH! Didn't you?) And he got through he noticed that there were hundreds and hundreds of armed guards! He realized he would have to use stealth and so he open his mouth and using TEH EVUL POWAH! he screamed in a rage drawing all attention in the building to himself and sucked every single person's soul out of their bodies and devoured them, then Adolf Hitler came out and was all

"DAMN IT YOU STUPID COWMOOSETHINGY! HOW DARE YOU TRY TO ATTACK BERLIN AND EAT THE SOULS OF MY SECRET GUARD ARMY THINGY AND SCREAM IN RAGE AND EAT THE WALLS OF THE BIG BERLIN CAPITAL BUILDING THINGY AND FART ON OUR SECRET NUKE FACTORY!" and as he said this he pulled out a red lightsaber and swung it around to make cool hummy noises.

So Chickenhorse was all "How dare you, I am a Chickenhorse, AND I DID NOT FART ON YOUR SECRET NUKE FACTORY!" and using TEH EVUL POWAH! he created an EVUL SABER which he quickly used to cut through hitler's pathetic lightsaber, but it could not cut the Force except that it did. I originally explained that here but then I remembered it was against the rules so I didn't. and the star wars universe flew into the Chickenhorse's waiting mouth. And so hitler randomly exploded for no reason and the Chickenhorse left and the big berlin capital building thingy randomly exploded for no reason. Meanwhile our heroes were still eating lunch! And then the Chickenhorse ate hitler's exploded remains.

"Hey," asked Chickharry, "shouldn't we be catching the Chickenhorse?"

"Nah, I have a secret elaborate plan," Replied Dumbledore, eating a piece of sushi "besides, I'm hungry damnit!"

"Yeah said Hermione, wait why am I talking about myself in the third person? Damn it author!" said Hermione. And then she jumped on Chickharry and stripped her and started having hot lesbian sex with her for no reason. And dumbledore's gay so they didn't mind having hot lesbian sex in front of him since gay men can't tell when lesbians are having hot lesbian sex.

"Hey Hermione, do you think the author's a huge perv?" asked Chickharry.

"Yes, but who cares, this is fun!"

"Eh, the crazy bastard's probably just writing in the middle of the night again, writers do that sometimes, they make more mistakes that way but they can't always help it because they feel the need to write things down, even if it's something no one wants to read like this asinine story where we all act like out of character idiots. Silly authors and their silliness, so anyway I have a secret elaborate plan much like the one I'm not telling harry about for defeating Voldemort. Except Voldemort's dead so we don't need that one anymore."

The author then came along and kicked the three characters in the balls except for the two girls who she kicked in the clit.

"but what if he comes back using a horcrux?" asked Hermione, though it sounded really weird because she was licking Chickharry's crotch because they were in a 69 to make themselves feel better after the cuntpunt the whole time and also because they weren't done having hot lesbian sex yet.

"He can't, You foolish fool. Weren't you listening when I said horcruxes get absorbed too?!" asked Dumbledore.

"Wait, so Voldemort's dead for good this time?" Asked Chickharry, not even noticing the other part.

"I'm afraid so Chickharry, you see when the Chickenhorse eats someone, that person is not just killed, but completely absorbed by TEH EVUL POWAH! Horcruxes get absorbed too, and also they randomly explode for no apparent reason," said Dumbledore.

Chickharry got up and started dancing an extremely hilarious dance doing backflips and singing ding dong the wicked witch is dead. He then rose into the air doing a magical dance and ended said dance by sliding into a power slide then doing some jazz hands. Yay Jazz Hands. Whatever those are.

"DAMMIT HARRY YOU FOOLISH FOOL! THIS IS NOTHING TO CELEBRATE YOU FOOLISH FOOLISH FOOLISH FOOL! FOR THE CHICKENHORSE HAS ALL OF VOLDEMORT'SS POWER! Um… author, you added an extra s to VOLDEMORT'S."

"Soirry," said the Author, "I mean sorry."

Chickharry looked all apologetic, and also extremely around because Hermione was licking her crotch, but then started screaming because the Chickenhorse fired a farty fart of TEH EVUL POWAH! at Chickharry's head.

Then snape showed up.

"Abraca goaway!" said Snape and the Chickenhorse was teleported someplace.

"ROAR!" said Snape,"WHY IS YOUR DUMB ASS TRYING TO FIGHT THE CHICKENHORSE DUMBASS HARRY POTTER WHO IS NOW A CHICK! ROAR!"

"It attacked us," said Chickharry.

"ROAR!" ROARED Snape, "THAT'S NO EXCUSE!"

"Yeah? Well you're a big smelly jackass," said Chickharry, "Why do you hate me so much anyway?"

"ROAR!" replied Snape, "I AM NOT A BIG SMELLY JACKASS, AND I HATE YOU BECAUSE YOUR DAD FUCKED THE GIRL I LIKED! Oh crap, I am a big smelly jackass. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME HEADMASTER! All this time I've been just as bad to you as your father was to me. I don't deserve to live anymore." And then Snape Avada Kedavrad himself to death. Chickharry danced and sang again. Then Hermione got all pissed off and petrificus totalused her because when chicks try to jump around and dance and shit while you're trying to please them sexually, it's really annoying. At least that's what I've heard from those who are less awesome than me in the bed. I'm really awesome at making chicks moan, personally, I mean this one time, at band camp…

"AUTHOR, QUIT BRAGGING ABOUT YOUR ASTOUNDING SEXUAL PROWESS, EVEN IF YOU DID MAKE ME CUM 3,452,984,112 TIMES IN 2 SECONDS AFTER THE END OF LAST CHAPTER!" roared chickharry and Hermione sismultaneously.

"FINE!" said the author, then sadly muttered "I just wanted the chicks in the audience to know how awesome I am."

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"QUIT FUCKING AROUND, AUTHOR!111111111111111111111" yelled Snape's corpse, "WAIT A MINUTE, WHY THE FLYING FUCKING FUCK FUCKEDY FUCK FUCK AM I A FUCKEDYING FUCKING ZOMBIE! WHAT THE FLYING FUCKEDY FUCK AUTHOR, I FUCKING WANTED TO FUCKING DIE FUCKING FOREVER FOR BEING A FUCKING BIG SMELLY JACKASS, NOT BE A STINKY ZOMBIE! WHY CAN'T I FUCKING BE DEAD! I DON'T WANT TO BE A ZOMBIE!"

"sorry, dumbledore's secret elaborate plan involve you."

"Oh. Okay then."

So zombie snape got up and ate cake while crying about how horrendous his unlife was, all the while Hermione was licking Chickharry's crotch and squeezing her boobs, and chickharry loved it but still couldn't move and ron was like, "Hey, hermione's my girl dammit, Harry! I mean Chickharry!" so Hermione got all pissed and stomped on ron's balls, but it didn't hurt him because he was dead, but he forgot again so it did. And Hermione decided not to remind him he was dead for that very reason. Then the petrificus totalus wore off and Chickharry kicked zombie snape in the balls for watching but it didn't hurt him because he's a zombie, so chickharry threw him off a cliff instead. Then grabbed Hermione and stripped her and started sucking her boob nipples as she threw snape off a cliff.

And Dumbledore sat there eating pills and gravy because old people eat pills for breakfast, lunch and dinner because doctors won't let them eat anything else because they're mean like that but Dumbledore was eating gravy on them because he was tired of never getting to eat gravy because gravy is delicious. He didn't care about the lesbian sex that was going on around him because he was gay, and gay men can't see hot lesbian sex so to him it just looked like Chickharry and Hermione were just standing there naked, but he's gay so he doesn't notice they're naked but they were. But then a troll attacked and yelled "FALCONE PAWNCH!" and knocked Dumbledore against a tree, killing him instantly. But he didn't die because he's too magicky to get killed by a stupid troll so he was just unconscious. Except he's too magicky to get knocked unconscious by a stupid troll so he just got knocked against a tree. Except he's too magicky to get knocked against a tree by a stupid troll, so nothing happened to either of them except the troll which burst into flames and burned to ashes which burst into flames and burned to nothingness. And then the troll died.

Meanwhile.

The Chickenhorse woke up in Joseph Stalin's bed, so it ate him. And Joseph Stalin said something in French because he's French, but the Chickenhorse was all "SHUT UP! FRENCH IS NOT A REAL LANGUAGE, IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF STUPID WORDS THAT MAKE NO SENSE! AND IT HAS WORDS THAT ARE LIKE 30 LETTERS AND JUST ONE SYLLABLE AND THAT'S FUCKING STUPID!" and then joseph stalin accused the Chickenhorse of being a culturally illiterate American pig dog, which is one of the reasons French people make no sense, they go around calling americans pig dogs when there's no such thing as a pig dog. The closest thing is a pug, but pugs aren't pig dogs either because they don't have any pig blood. And a pig dog would have to be half pig half dog. Plus pig dog is really a compliment if you think about it because if there was a pig dog it would have all the traits of a pig and a dog. So they're really calling americans super smart super cute lovable awesome creatures that have 30 minute orgasms and can eat almost literally anything. Thanks stupid smelly French people. Then it started a boy band and sang about sex to little girls who shouldn't think about sex yet, cause boy band's are nasty like that, and his got really freaking popular, so popular in fact that other boy bands started to get jealous, and so the backstreet boys found the heart of a dead god, and constructed a profane ritual to merge all other boy bands together into one really hot superpedophile. And so the ritual was done and all the boy bands became the pedolakhan and screamed in fury while screaming! AND THEY CALL HIM SAANDY CLLAAAWS!

"What?!" asked everyone.

Then they went to go back in time and kill Chickenhorse's parents before he was born, but the Chickenhorse got pissed and used TEH EVUL POWAH! to go back in time to just before they went back in time and eat them using TEH EVUL POWAH! But then they went back in time to just before he went back in time, but the Chickenhorse ate them using TEH EVUL POWAH! Anyway. And so the Chickenhorse became godlike in his godlike power with TEH EVUL POWAH! combined with the boy band god power.

"STUPID BOY BANDS RIPPING OFF MORROWIND! MORROWIND IS THE BESTEST GAME EVER AND DOESN'T NEED YOUR STINKY PEDOTAINT! YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED!" screamed the Chickenhorse.

And then a house elf ate pie and that was the end of this chapter! Except the house elf wasn't done eating its pie yet so a cop came and chewed out Dumbledore for watching two 17 year old chicks have hot lesbian sex when he was much older than 18, but Dumbledore was all "I'm gay so I didn't know and besides in the wizarding world that you don't know about we come of age at 17" so the cop was all oh, okay. And then the house elf finished its pie so that was the actual end of this chapter. Jr;;p mu ms,r od hrpthr "dsof yjr jpidr

To be continued! To be continued! To be continued! To be continued! To be continued! To be continued! To be continued! To be continued! To be continued!

To be continued! To be continued! To be continued!

To be continued! To be continued!

To be continued!

T b continue

T b conti

T b co

Tbc

T

Why are you still reading, I said the chapter's over.

Stop!

Cut that shit out!

Seriously!

I will send the Chickenhorse after you dammit!

Well I'll just stop writing now, then you can't read no more. Haha!


	3. Chapter 3

AN: SOME DUDE FAVORITED MY STORY! IT WAS MORGAUR! THANK YOU MORGAUR FOR FAVORITING MY SUPER AWESOME STORY! AND ALSO THANK YOU BLURGEDY FOR ALSO FAVORITING MY STORY!

AN: I DON'T OWN HARRYPOTER FOR THE THRID TIME YOU PEOPLE ARE SILLIYFACES FACES FACES FOR MAKING ME SAY IT A THIRD TIME. WHY WOULD IT HAVE CHANGE SINCE THE LAST CHAPTER? LIKE I'M GONNA GET RICH IN BETWEEN WRITING CHAPTERS AND BUY THE RIGHTS TO HARRY POTTER? SERIOUSLY, COME ON NOW.

CHAPTER 2: THE SECOND CHAPTER!

HARRY, CHICKHARRY AND DUMBLEDORE WERE EATING TEA AND CRUMPETS CAUSE THEY WERE BRITISH AND BRITISH PEOPLE EAT TEA AND CRUMPETS FOR BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER, BUT DUMBLEDORE CAN'T EAT THAT BECAUSE HE'S OLD AND OLD PEOPLE CAN ONLY EAT PILLS, BUT HE CAN'T EAT PILLS CAUSE HE'S BRITISH AND HAD TO EAT TEA AND CRUMPETS. SO HE COMPROMISED AND ATE TEA FLAVORED PILLS AND CRUMPET FLAVORED PILLS. AND AN ANVIL FELL ON DEAD RON'S HEAD WHICH DIDN'T HURT HIM CAUSE HE WAS DEAD BUT HE FORGOT AGAIN SO IT DID! TEHN SUDDENLY THE AXEM RAgnERS SHOWED AND STARTED SCREAMING!

"HEY STUPIDS, GIVE US, THE STAR PIECE!"

"WHAT? STAR PIECE? THIS ISN'T A SUPER MARIO RPG: LEGEND OF THE SEVEN STARS FANFIC. GO NEXT DOOR!" ROARED HARRY

"OH SORRY. LATERS."

THEN SOME GUY NAMED ROAR SHOWED UP AND KICKED CHICKHARRY IN THE NUTS, EXCEPT SHE DIDN'T HAVE NUTS ANYMORE SO SHE WAS LIKE "MUHAHAHAHA I AM NOT A GUY WITH SILLY WEAK BALLS ANYMORE! CHICKS ARE BETTER!"

"ARE NOT!" YELLED HARRY. THEN CHICKHARRY KICKED HIM IN THE BALLS AND HARRY FELL ON THE GROUND AND WAS ALL OKAY FINE THEY ARE!

"HAHA!" SCREAMED CHICKHARRY, BUT THEN SHE FELL OVER TOO AND WAS ALL "OH NOES! I AM HAVING MY PERIOD!" THEN HARRY GOT UP A FEW MINUTES LATER BUT CHICKHARRY WOULD BE IN PAIN FOR A FEW MORE DAYS! SO HARRY WAS ALL "HAHA, GUESS BEING A CHICK AIN'T THAT GREAT EITHER," SO HERMIONE KICKED HIM IN THE BALLS AGAIN.

NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING! HARRY AND CHICKHARRY ARE ACTUALLY THE SAME PERSON, AND YOU'RE RIGHT. EXCEPT RON FORGOT SO THEY AREN'T. RON IS SUCH A DUMBASS.

MEANWHILE AT THE HALL OF JUSTICE.

LEZ LUTHOR HAD KILLED SUPERMAN. SHE HAD DONE SO BY PUTTING ON KRYPTONITE HEELS AND STEPPING ON HIS BALLS. THEN SHOOTING HIM REPEATEDLY WITH A KRYPTONITE GUN THAT FIRES KRYPTONITE BULLETS AND USES KRYPTONITE GUNPOWDER AND HAS A KRYPTONITE HOLSTER! THEN CUTTING HIM INTO THOUSANDS OF TINY LITTLE PIECES WITH A KRYPTONITE KNIFE, THEN SENDING ALL THOSE TINY LITTLE PIECES TO DIFFERENT PLANETS WITH A RED SUN! 1

"COME BACK TO LIFE FROM THAT! YOU WHINY WEAKLINGFACE GOD! WHIMPYGOD WUSSYGOD PUSSY GOD!"

THEN LEZ LUTHOR RAPED WONDERWOMAN BUT SHE COULDN'T RAPE WONDERWOMAN SO SHE DIDN'T AND WONDERWOMAN KILLED HER FOR TRYING EXCEPT THE chickenhorse ATE LEZ LUTHOR WITH teh evul powah! BEFORE SHE COULD KILL HER! THEN HE RAPED WONDERWOMAN WITH teh evul powah! AND ATE HER USING the evul powah! TOO! AND LEZ LUTHOR AND WONDERMANWOMAN FELL IN LOVE WITH CHICKENHORSE BE CAUSE HE WAS REALLY GOOD AT EATING GIRLS. Not as good as me, though. Muhahaha. I have no idea why I just laughed evilly. So then CHICKENHORSE ATE THEM BOTH USING TEH EVUL POWAH! FOR REALL AND NOT IN THEE SEXUAL SENSE BUT IN THE REALITY TYPE SENSE.

AND CHICKENHORSE WAS ALL "ROAR!" BECAUSE HE WAS SUDDENLY FILLED AN INSANE RAGICNG DESIRE TO GO EAT DUMBLEDORE BECAUSE DUMBLEDORE HAD JUST BECOME UNSPEAKABLY EVIL SINCE DEAD RON FORGOT DUMBLEDORE WAS GOOD!

SO THE CHICKENHORSE RAN TO EAT UDMELBORESKADORE QUICKLY ROARING AND ATE DUMBLEDORE USING teh evul powah! AND DUMBLEDORE FROM INSIDE CHICKENHORSE'S STOMACH WAS ALL "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BEWARE THE POWER OF MY SECRET ELABORATE PLANS, FOR I KNEW RON WOULD GET KILLED AND FORGET THAT I WAS GOOD. I ALLOWED MY MAGICYNESS TO FAIL AT PROTECTING ME FROM THE EFFECTS OF RON'S STUPIDITY TEMPORARILY BUT NOW I AM GOOD AGAIN YOU FOOLISH FOOLISH FOOL!"

"OH NOES!" SCREAMED THE CHICKENHORSE WHILE SCREAMING, THEN VOMITED UP DUMBLEDORE AND RANDOMLY EXPLODED FOR NO REASON!

YAY! THIS MEANS THE STORY'S OVER AND THE GOOD UGYS WIN RIGHT?

RIGHT?

RIGHT?

RIGHT?

RIGHT?

_**WRONG! WRONG!**_ _**WRONG! WRONG!WRONG!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!**_ _**WRONG! WRONG!WRONG!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!**_ _**WRONG! WRONG!WRONG!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!**_ _**WRONG! WRONG!WRONG!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!**_ _**WRONG! WRONG!WRONG!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!**_ _**WRONG! WRONG!WRONG!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!**_ _**WRONG! WRONG!WRONG!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!**_ _**WRONG! WRONG!WRONG!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!**_ _**WRONG! WRONG!WRONG!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!**_ _**WRONG! WRONG!WRONG!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!**_ _**WRONG! WRONG!WRONG!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!**_ _**WRONG! WRONG!WRONG!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!**_ _**WRONG! WRONG!WRONG!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!**_ _**WRONG! WRONG!WRONG!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!**_ _**WRONG! WRONG!WRONG!WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!**_ _**WRONG! WRONG!WRONG!WRONG!**_

_**STUPID STUPID STUPID DUMB STUPID HEAD. **_

You forgot about the Stinky Crystal Hat™. DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YOU FREAKING IDIOTS! I mean seriously, are you stupid or womething? What kind of story only has 3 chapters?! What kind of stupid moronic braindead… okay I see your point! So then the author showed up and kicked the author in the author's crotch, and the author fell on the author's knees in pain and the author said, "Damn it author, this story is none of those things! It's awesome and badass and wonderful and a ton better than the books as anyone who reads it can plainly see! Wait a second, why is there another author anyway? Damn it Ron!" So the author got all angry and sent Ron to the bog of eternal stench and ugliness and nails on a chalkboard noises and unpleasant textures. And a bunch of women that were there blamed ron for their being there because women always blame men for everything, even things that are so obviously out of their control that its crazy to blame them for it. So the women starting starting stomping on ron and strampling him, and sitting on his face and making him lick their cooches because when women get angry at men they sit on their faces and make them lick their cooches, and droping heavy things on his nuts except they weren't very heavy because women are weak and puny in the muscle department, but it would have hurt him if he weren't dead and it did anyway because he forgot again, but then ron forgot he was a guy so he was a girl and the women magically liked him, since women only ever have sympathy for other women and don't give a shit about men at all ever because they're so upset about a bunch of bullcrap that men supposedly do but really there's only a few men that actually really have any control over it! Every other man is either sheepishly following it without knowing any better, or a few are being just as pissed off about it as the women! But then a cow farted and ron and the other womenses starting smelling like cow farts forever!

So then the Stinky Crystal Hat™ was all "ROOAAAAARRRRRRRR! YOU STUPID CHIKCENHORSE! I DO NOT TOLERATE FAILURE, JAILURE, OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT RHYMES WITH IT! YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSE TO FAIL! I HATE FAILURE! FAILURE'S BAD, MMM'KAY!I DON'T LIKE IT! IT'S DUMB! YOU'RE DUMB FOR FAILING! QUIT FAILING DAMMIT! YOU HAS FAILED ME FOR THE LAST TIME!

Then the stinky crystal hat made the chickenhorse dead.

"Wait a minute, didn't he just explode?"Hermione reasonably and politely inquired, so naturally the author sent Hermione to the bog bog of eternal stench and ugliness and nails on a chalkboard noises and unpleasant textures too for being a know-it-all, except she went to an area populated by all men, so the men started asking her how they were supposed to fix it and stuff cause when men don't know what to do they usually ask women without really expecting them to know so they can get mad at them when they don't know because most men aren't raised to know how to process emotions correctly and women used to be raised to process all but anger correctly but now anger is women only too, and men are supposed to be robots with no emotions. Then they got mad at her because she didn't know, but a giant moose shat on them so they got mad at it instead! But then the author teleported her back.

"That will teach you not to ask perfectly reasonable questions, you dumb bitch," YELLED THE AUTHOR!

I just caps-locked the wrong part of the sentence.

I cannot believe I did that…

Then author blew up the earth so none of the characters would find out and teleported the characters all to the planet moomar, where wild giant talking apples frolicked freely in the lush forests and chickens liked eating giant talking apples. Also chikcens are badass like in zzelda.

_**So then the Stinky Crystal Hat™ was all "muhahahahahahar, I don't need nobody to wear me no more!" and Hermione was all "abracareseal the evu-OW" because she tried to cast a spell but the Stinky Crystal Hat™ threw a rock and hit her in the face with it and teleported away!**_

_**TO BE CONTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!**_


End file.
